Habit 4
Watch the final video and complete the exercise. I hope you practice this habit daily !
The 5 languages of appreciation
People are more productive and more fulfilled when they perceive they are appreciated. One study found that employees who were shown appreciation and gratitude by their supervisor were 50% more productive than employees who weren't.
When you express gratitude it's critical to understand the 5 languages of appreciation. These languages were uncovered by Gary Chapman while helping couples forge stronger relationships, but they’ve crept into the broader field of workplace professional development because the capacity to provide effective appreciation is a hallmark of great leadership.
The 5 languages are:
Words - This one is obvious, simple but not always easy. Use words of encouragement and kindness to directly thank or acknowledge people. But it’s more than just saying “thank you”. Make your gratitude personal by identifying the specific behaviour or trait that you appreciate. Take appreciation to another level by the way you incorporate it into regular conversation. For example, the language used when you need something can be framed in an appreciative manner. Instead of “demanding” language (This is top priority, I need it by Friday.), use "requesting" language (Remember last month when we had that tight deadline on the make-or-break project? And you came through for us? Well, we have another deadline and I’m wondering if you are up the challenge we’ve got in front of us? We have to have it out by Friday.).
Acts of Service - Perform deeds that help your people or advance ideas within their sphere of interest. Go out of your way to help them move a project forward, participate in a cause that is dear to them, or take time to send them a hand-written note. Smile in their presence. Remember the two critical times in every encounter with someone - when you meet and when you depart. Whether it is someone you see every day or only once a year, use these critical moments to convey the message that you appreciate them.
Gifts - Gifts are tangible. They may be purchased, but gifts don’t have to cost money. Gifts may be found (in a closet or file, in a magazine clipping) or made (by you or someone else). The most important aspect is the gift must be of meaning to the other person - personally or professionally. Often the greatest gift you can give to someone is the gift of your time and undivided attention.
Quality Time - Engage in activities they enjoy (recreation, volunteer, civic, social, whatever). Since it may not be something you particularly enjoy, your focus needs to be why you are doing it and not what you are doing. When in conversation, ensure it is distraction-free, make eye contact, smile, listen for feelings, don't interrupt, ask questions and notice body language. Discuss topics of relevance to them.
Touch - When it comes to touch, we see how appreciation truly is personal. There is nothing wrong with touch in the workplace as long as it is appropriate touch. It might be a handshake, a neck rub, high-five, fist-bump, or a pat on the shoulder and for some it might be a hug. Be sensitive to the relationship you have and the social setting you are within.
“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”
— Voltaire
Regardless of the language, be creative and remember, you must be genuine with your gratitude. Do it with no expectation of return. Equally important is knowing that every person has a primary language (and a secondary preference for another of the languages). While there is some overlap between the 5 languages, when you express your gratitude, appreciation is more effectively received when it's spoken in the recipient’s primary language. The ongoing challenge with appreciation is that when you express it, you tend to default to your primary language of appreciation… because that’s what you know and love best.
Discover your own and then begin identifying other people’s primary language of appreciation. Start with the people closest to you personally and professionally. Here are some tips to help you sort out people’s languages, including your own. And while nothing is 100% certain, you will hone in on their primary language with a little bit of effort.
Ask these questions for insights into the primary language:
In which of the languages do I/they normally express appreciation?
In which of the languages do I/they ask for appreciation?
What irritates me/them about what others do? Often this is the opposite of your/their primary language. For example,
people who never say thank you - WORDS
someone who takes the last cup of coffee and doesn’t make a fresh pot - ACTS OF SERVICE
not receiving something on a special occasion - GIFTS
someone who avoids being in proximity to another - TOUCH
people who do all the talking and not listen to what you have to say - QUALITY TIME
As we discussed in the video, when we "speak" using someone's primary language of appreciation, they are much more likely to hear us and truly understand the appreciation we are expressing.
Therefore it is important to first identify and understand your own primary language. Download, print and complete the guide and it will walk you through it step-by-step.
When you've got your primary language figured out, use the same process to figure out the language of those closest to you and start using their primary language of appreciation to SAY THANKS.
What do you think ?
Please leave a comment or question below. To get you started...
What is your primary language ?
How do you plan to incorporate Habit 4 into your day ?
Knowing what you know, how do you make sense of what you've learned in The Habit Course ?